5 weeks 6 days.....

The 18th September was my 1st wedding anniversary. The emotions that it created where strangely extreme. I was so sad to think that I wasn't going to be able to hug my husband, sad to remember the day and how much running around I had been able to do. What nearly turned me into a snivelling wreck was that I couldn't even go out and buy him a card or a present.

However, the realisation that in a few months I will actually be able to hug my husband reminds me just how much I still have and how lucky I am to still have it. This has been and is a horrid experience but it has shown me and reminded me just how much I adore my husband, how much I need his support and just how strong we are together. This has also shown me just how much he cares about me, the pain and the anguish I put him though during all this is hard to accept, to know that I caused that pain is difficult (please note that I understand that my riding accident was exactly that, an accident, no one was actually to blame) but it reminds me that I am so incredibly lucky to have him in my life and that we will have a life together once I loose this Halo.

You know he's never even suggested that I should stop riding........

4 weeks 5 days.......

This is starting to get silly.....

I saw my consultant on Friday (4 weeks 2 days...) and whilst the overall news was good, xrays all in good shape...... I was not best pleased. I had honestly in my head decided that this thing would be off in 8 weeks... I was informed that this was not going to happen, that it was more like 12 weeks maybe 10

2 weeks 6 days.....

All in today be been one of the better and one of the worse days that I've had. Slept really badly, think I turned the TV off before the sleeping pill had properly kicked in. So I ended up thinking about far to many things far to much. Woke up in a horrid mood which didn't help anyone, least of all me.

However... in the afternoon some wonderful friends came round and finally helped me wash my hair. This was both as hard as I thought and easier than I expected. I was able to lie flat out on a foot stool type thing and my friends literally poured water over my head. Loads of towels and a few bin bags with a bit of care and good use of what's left of my stomach muscles it was doable. I was sore afterwards and I don't think I could have managed it until now but I am so pleased to have got it done! I feel a little more like a human being!

2 weeks 5 days......

The Day to Day Stuff.....

So far... its just a muddle of trying to get settled. I was back in the hospital on Friday just gone as I had a nut come loose (yes I already know..... I have a screw loose!) that was tightened, I was X rayed again but I haven't heard about the results yet. Something tells me if it where bad news the top man would have been in touch by now. 

Honestly I have good hours and bad hours. Generally it takes me a while to wake up, I'm on sleeping pills which leave me pretty groggy. I'm then good for a few hours but if I do too much or have too many visitors it goes against me and I start to feel pretty low in the late afternoon. I'm learning it's best to go have a nap in the afternoon then I feel a bit chirpier in the evenings.

I've read a few of these Blogs but most of them are written once the thing is off or from the positive side..... forgive me it's early evening and I haven't had my nap this afternoon! However I thought I would be honest and means the good and the bad! All in though I do think that whilst this halo thing is bloody annoying its so much more preferable than the alternative.

I managed to walk round the fields near our house yesterday which was great, I felt much much happier, if exhausted when we got back. Defiantly not stable enough to go alone, not sure if I will get to the point when I can go alone but I will try.... if my husband and his band of co-conspirators will let me.

Today.... big break though.... I managed to walk to the pub up the road! Only had a cup of tea when I got there but my husband was thrilled..... he had a pint. People to look, I don't think they mean it in a bad way it's just that they have no idea what to think. Let them look.

(In my limited experience of 2 trips out.... people tend to do 1 of  3 things. 1, they look and you know that they are examining the strange contraption round your head. 2, they ignore you simply pretend that they can't or haven't seen you. it's nothing to do with you they have their own self confidence issues and they don't know how to respond, pity them. 3, they speak to you like there is nothing strange about you.

Whilst I'm on the subject of looking.... for me the hardest part was when my close friends and family first saw me... I hadn't really thought about it.... but the look on their faces made it clear that it didn't look ideal.... my cousin, a paramedic, was great pretended there was nothing unusual going on! my friend... brilliant, she took one look at me and started laughing.... did me the world of good! - top tip if your about to go see someone in a Halo Vest, it will look bad but remember they probably haven't seen themselves yet, they keep mirrors to a minimum on the more serious wards.)

Bit trashed this evening but thats ok, done a lot in the last few days. You have to get your head round the fact that you just can't do what you where doing a few weeks about and think positively about the little victories. 3 weeks ago I did 10 miles on my mountain bike and hardly noticed. Today I walked about 1/3 of a mile and was exhausted. It's all relative and for me I'm just glad that I can walk that 1/3 of a mile... I'll do it again on Tuesday. I might even fancy a glass of wine when I get there.... will make the wobbly walk home even more interesting!

2 weeks 4 days....

The actual fitting of the brace wasn't that bad. I know it looks like it must have been horrific but really they simply put local anaesthetic into the sites where the pins will sit and screw it in place, then roll you over and put the back ones in.

Mine was fitted at about 8pm (after I had to wait for an MRI scan, the worst part of the whole process being in that machine!) and I was drugged pretty well so I slept quiet well that night. It was the next morning that my predicament became a little clearer. I was told that after 3 days lying flat out I was going to feel pretty dizzy when I finally started to sit up. I thought that was silly, but yes they where inevitable right and I felt very "at sea" for about 5 days although I have since been told that I could up most of that down to concussion, for some reason I seem to focus on the neck bit I keep forgetting that I also took a pretty good tumble from a horse.

I was told at the hospital (Hope) that I wouldn't be able to shower for the time I had the brace fitted and that I would have to "make do' with a flannel.... I was then infored that I wouldn't be able to wash my hair either. I tried explaining that I appeared to have a large mass of dried blood which was my hair but it was only when one of the sisters took pity on me that I managed to get some help. The sister and one of the nurses where great, with the aid of many plastic bags and a few towels they got the worst of the blood out of my hair. I was however told that I shouldn't "try this at home".....

I wont go in to too much detail but I was eventually transfered to a private hospital. This helped get me into a good routine with eating, washing (I can now manage a partial shower) and sleeping and 10 days after the event I was finally allowed home.

I've been home 1 week and 1 day and this week has been one of the more challanging that I can remember. One big positive, that I have only just realised, is that I have definatly had worse, which means that this will only get better.... if worse weeks than this can fade into the distance then so can this one and the ones ahead of me.

The worst parts......
I still haven't worked out how to wash my hair succesfully.
I hate having to rely on people to do the simplest things for me.... I got stuck in a t-shirt last night.
If I eat to much I can't take a deep breath....
Trapped wind! how old am I!...
The vest itches.
I'm not allowed to drive.... can't imagine I'd be any more dangerous than I was before... I'd have to use my mirrors now....
I'm a liability when it comes to crossing the road....
Day time TV.... its boring......


The Good Parts 
Makes you remember what's and who is important in your life.... life really is too short.
Shows you just how many real friends you have. I can't believe just how many cards and flowers I've had... not to mention the cakes and the brownies! ( all very much appreciated!!)

The good parts.... all comes down to people. The people who you realise are more important to you than you could ever have known. The ones who are more generous that you might ever have believed. The people who have changed their plan just to stop in and say "Hi".   Those who haven't called, who really aren't there for you after all, suddenly they don't matter anymore. I never knew just how many people cared about me.

2 weeks 3 days.......

My first entry is on my 17th day of wearing my Halo Brace and so far.... it has its complications....

A bit of background first.
I acquired my Halo brace though a riding accident on Tuesday 9th August 2011. I was out doing some cross country jump training with my Friend Becky and Event Trainer Neil.... We where about 6 fences in when my young man (Cooper, 5 year old Dutch Warm blood) saw another horse ( I think..) in the distance and decided to forget all we knew about jumping and just jumped blindly at a small fence ( only about 90cm!) he manged to fall though it and I flopped out the front door. My last memory is of seeing his nose level with my eyes and having the thought that "oh I appear to be falling off". Rumour has it that I hit the ground and bounced quiet well.... causing 2 broken ribs and a small clasped of the lung.  Unfortunately the bad bit happened as Cooper was trying to get his footing back, he caught me between the eyes, splitting open the skin and hyper extending my neck causing a fracture of the C7 & C2 Vertebra.

I should mention at this point that all in, I've had a bit of experience riding, I've raced over point to point fences (Steeplechase type stuff) and done lots of hunting and many years show jumping, so I have an idea what I'm doing. This was simply one of those things, I done much more dangerous jumps on a horse, this time it was bad timing.... maybe I'm paying for all my sins in one go...... maybe I had a guardian angel keeping a half an eye on me and I should be thanking my lucky stars that it wasn't as bad it was millimeters away from being.

Luckily Neil knew exactly what to do and an ambulance appeared pretty fast. I vaguely recall Becky asking me to stay still (I thought I had broken my collar bone!) and heard Neil on the phone calling an ambulance, it crossed my mind that I would be fine once I got my breath back.... I was a little wrong. I was strapped to a board and shipped to hospital. Thankfully Neil was able to take the horses home and Becky followed me to hospital and I still have no idea how I managed to remember my husbands phone number for her to call him.

I don't know when it dawned on my that it was serious this time. probably around the time I let them cut my beloved Ariat boots off! I remember not really being there and flashing in and out. I remember the doctor saying post Xray, "now, thats not what we wanted to see" they then started squeezing my toes every few minutes.

After about 10 hours in A&E (waiting for the Riots in Manchester to calm down!) I was transferred to the special care spinal unit at Hope Hospital, Salford and my Halo Brace was fitted.